My First Night as a Nursing Mother

When Nate was born we had a flooding of family members who came to meet him. Parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins… Everyone came and it was great. I felt great. After a long labor I had a great delivery and had a surge of adrenaline to get me through visiting hours. While I had all this energy, Nate was obviously exhausted from his journey because he slept the span of visiitn hours. From 5:00pm – 11:00pm. I was almost naïve enough to think that I would actually get to sleep too once everyone left. But as soon as my head touched the pillow he woke up screaming.

Isn’t that the way it usually happens? I had tried nursing him earlier but he wasn’t too interested in latching on. I had requested a visit from the lactation specialist but was told she wouldn’t be in until the next day. Now that he was awake I tried nursing again. He was not having it. My rule was absolutely no pacifiers or bottles because I didn’t want him to experience nipple confusion. I gave that rule up pretty quickly and used a pacifier. That calmed him a bit and taught him the art of sucking. I would replace the pacifier with my body and Nate would scream. My night nurse suggested he was hungry and since my milk hadn’t come in yet I should supplement with formula.

In my research before delivery I knew that I would only have colustrum (the golden milk), which is all he would need until my milk came in a few days later. But now that I was in the moment and felt hopeless against his cries I gave in. But not too much. The nurse was able to drop formula in Nate’s mouth with a dropper while I encouraged him to latch on to my breast. This worked for a little while and we did this off and on throughout the night.

In the morning I met with the LC. She told me I had “inverted nipples” which is why it was difficult for Nate to latch. Great! She suggested I get a nipple shield to stimulate a more full nipple and make Nate’s job easier on him. So that is what we did and hit made nursing SO much better for both of us. He latched on right away and I never became “raw” and blistered. A win, win. I’ve spoken with mother who felt that using a nipple shield took away from their nursing experience. I don’t feel this way. To me, using this tool made it easier for both of us, thus allowing us both to enjoy this journey even more.

I do remember that the most difficult day as a nursing mother was when Nate was four days old. At this age, even though he was latching great, my milk hadn’t come in yet and he wanted milk. He cried and cried – attempted to eat and grew frustrated that what he was looking for wasn’t there. I cried and cried with him. I called my cousin who was my nursing guide (every new mom should have one of these) and she told me to lay with Nate skin to skin and feed him as often as possible. But wasn’t that the problem? He wanted to eat and I didn’t have what he wanted. But it all comes down to supply and demand. If my body does feel Nate demanding milk, my body wont supply it. If I chose to supplement with formula then my body wouldn’t feel his demand and my milk wouldn’t come in.

Day Four was long and hard for everyone in the household. But we made it day five and everything was a breeze after that – as long as I had my nipple shield J

Want to nurse? You can DO it! I am an advocate for “breast is best” but am also for empowering women and momma’s – find what works best for you and your baby. My advice? Do NOT give up . It can be tough – especially the first week and when you navigate growth spurts. But stick with it!!

Find a friend, someone you feel comfortable with, who was a nursing mother and can be your cheerleader on tough days.

Nate's Birth Story

After 41 weeks of being pregnant I was induced. At first this was not what I wanted. During my pregnancy I became obsessed with TLC’s A Baby Story and 90% of mothers who were induced ended up having a c-section. This was not my plan. I do not like needles. I am afraid of surgery. I am afraid of the recovery of a c-section. But by week 41 I was cooked. Induction didn’t seem that bad to me.

Monday morning we had to be at the hospital at 6:00am. Joe and I packed our bags the night before, set our alarm and woke up early to go to breakfast just the two of us one last time. By the time everything was all hooked up and paperwork was filled out, the induction started at 8:00am. Cervadil was in.

It was a pretty quiet afternoon with mild contractions. My Mom brought lunch and we were bunkered down watching movies. 

2:00 my aunt visited me and this is when I started becoming uncomfortable. Back labor is awful and I would not wish it on anyone. It felt like a chisel was separating my hips every seven to ten minutes. I remember wanting a labor ball to stretch out but the nurses were all busy and my husband didn’t want to bother them. Thank the good Lord Auntie Jan came to visit because she got me the labor ball and it did help a lot. It was the only thing I could sit on (who designed hospital beds anyway?) that didn't feel like physical torture.

As the day drew on, the back pain got worse. I walked the halls in the vain hope of speeding labor along. The bed was so uncomfortable and it hurt my tailbone too much to sit so I walked and walked and walked. The nurses were in an “on shift” training program so I didn’t get the pain medication or sleeping pill my OB promised me. In fact, throughout the entire night not one single nurse came into my room. The only eventful thing that happened was Joe received third degree burns on his hand while trying to heat up my Panera soup for dinner.

6:00am – I was exhausted. At this point I had been awake for 26 hours with only limited sleep the night before (because who can sleep the day before they know theyre having a baby?!). The hospital bed was so uncomfortable I decided to try Joe’s guest cot. It felt like a cloud of pillows! Two minutes after I laid down I felt this large blob secrete itself. My water broke! Bloody water. So bloody that the morning nurses weren’t sure if it was really my water or something else. Upon checking me and learning that it was my water that broke, the nurse told me that the baby was positioned posterior, which was the reason for my bad back labor.

7:00am – My doctor came to check on me. She took one look at me and knew that something was wrong. She didn’t even have a chance to ask me about it before I broke down in tears. I couldn’t believe myself. I had been looking forward to THIS day for YEARS and I was still so upset about the lack of service and help from my nurses. I felt ungrateful for my journey and disappointed in the day and myself. The back labor was still awful and I wanted relief. More than relief I wanted sleep. I asked for the epidural and had to get checked first. I was excited. I thought for sure I would have been five centimeters or so. I mean, it had been 24 hours. 24 hours of contractions and back labor.
 

Two. I was dilated two centimeters. So I walked some more. And soaked in a warm bath while waiting for my fluids and epidural.

10:00am – Pitocin started and the epidural was in. I had the best nap EVER! It was amazing! We had visitors throughout the day and even though I was antsy I felt better.

1:00pm – Six centimeters. This is where the “c” word started popping up. The nurses approached me about a c-section because it had been so long since we had started. But I held firm. And grew agitated that they kept pressuring me to go this route. I had faith in the process and in my doctor because she knew my wishes and was following them.

2:00pm – Epidural was removed because the baby’s pressure kept dropping and the nurses felt this was a result of the epidural. Once again they brought up the option of having a c-section.

Pitocin was turned all the way up to “speed things up”

3:00 – Tornado warning was issued and we were told to prepare for evacuation to the center room if needed. Totally normal,right?!?

3:30 – We were told I was finally at nine centimeters. Finally!! I was excited but the nurses were not. Nate’s rates kept decelerating and they again suggested a “c-section would be easiest for everyone”.

While my doctor was visiting earlier in the day she had prescribed a transfusion. I remember the nurses doubting this and thinking it was unnecessary. But at this time it became evident why she had ordered one; to help me reach my goal of a vaginal delivery. Even though it was a long induction, my water had technically only been broken for nine hours but she wanted to make sure the umbilical was as moist as possible to endure the long labor.

Once the nurse told me I was nine centimeters I kicked everyone out of the room. Poor Joe tried leaving too but I brought him back in. From 3:30 until delivery I had the longest contraction EVER! Other Momma’s are probably laughing at me or can totally relate because they remember it too . While I was enduring this pain (the back labor was still here, too), Joe was sitting in the rocking chair watching “Everybody Love Raymond”. I was too distracted at the time to really care but I think he was so nervous and exhausted himself he just needed this time to regroup before the “real action” started.

4:00pm – My doctor arrived and we started prepping for delivery. Part of what I was feeling during the “longest contraction ever” was the baby moving down. He was definitely descending and I could feel him moving down my body and birth canal. So surreal!

Well thank goodness he did all that moving on his own (finally) because I only had to push about five times. I remember being so focused on the task at hand. I turned into a different person. I think THIS is where I turned into a mother. I asked for a mirror so that I could better see what different push techniques moved him down best. Me, a mirror?!

At 4:19pm on October 18^th Nate Joseph was born. I was able to deliver him myself. This was a first for my OB and I had to show her the video of Kourtney Kardashian delivering her own baby but she allowed me to do it and it was the best experience. Joe has already had the privilege of delivering babies so I was blessed to do this myself. It is one of my proudest moments and still brings tears to my eyes thinking about it.

Joe was able to cut the cord and helped give Nate his first bath and get him dressed in his baseball sleeper. He was the prettiest baby I had ever seen! Once I was all cleaned up our parents came in and soon after our extended family flooded the room to meet and snuggle with our little man.

And of course, I had to have a Publix sub for dinner. After not being able to have one during my entire pregnancy (which I craved every day), this was a MUST for my post-delivery meal. 

The Night I Became the Grinch

I think I was naive.

Nate sort of breezed through the Terrible Two's and I naively thought we were golden.

And then we hit 2 1/2 and shit got real. I don't know if it was a culmination of the Terrible Two's and the sibling rivalry that was never really an issue until Payton started turning into her little person, but we started facing the tantrums and attitude of the dreaded Terrible Two's head on. Nate and I were both miserable, overwhelmed and lost about what to do about it.

I feel like we've tried everything.

Time Out. This worked for about a week and then held zero consequence for him. When Nate got into trouble he would sit in time out without any fuss and patiently wait for his two or three minutes to be up by repeatedly counting to 20 or picking his toenails. When the timer buzzed, he got up, said his apologies and went back to his day. I felt like there was no real "punishment" in this routine for him.

Losing privileges.  This does work with the right incentive. Nate loves watching Mickey Mouse on the couch at 7:30 while I get Payton into bed and during the day will work towards this reward and will feel the consequence of losing this to a tantrum. But this once effective measure lost its importance and we were back where we started -- no dreaded punishment.

A sticker chart. This too worked great for a short period but then built a sense of entitlement and a feeling that prizes and treats were a daily necessity because he earned stickers. In Nate's mind, playing outside, going for a walk, baking cookies and watching cartoons didn't count as prizes/treats. We are still working on this and what his expectations really should be - and this works good for us for daily lessons.

Spanking. I know this is opening a huge can of worms but spanking has been working with Nate. I was spanked as a kid and even though I see the rationale behind not spanking my child when I'm trying to teach him to keep his hands off of others, this punishment has a sounding board with him. When I ask Nate to do something and he doesn't comply or gives me an attitude, he has until I count to three to do what he is told or he gets spanked. No questions asked. No exceptions. He knows the rules and once this routine was established this worked well for us.

But then we turned THREE. No one really tells you that the Torturous Threes are worse than the Terrible Twos until you're complaining about the migraine caused by the Terrible Twos. But trust me, it's worse. At least, it has been for us.

The loss of privileges and "1,2,3, spank" are good tactics for us for small to medium misbehaviors. But there have been too many days (weeks, really) recently when we would forfeit the right to play with five toys, lost Mickey Mouse before bed (before we even ate lunch) and needed too many "1,2,3" before we would listen. AHH!! I was wracking my brain trying to find what would work. I looked to different blogs and websites and people pushed the need for routine (which we do) and consistency (which I strive for). But I didn't feel these were working for us.

So tonight, I became the Grinch. During dinner, Nate had a meltdown and lost Mickey Mouse from his tantrum. We got home and he keep being too rough and not making good choices. He's had this since of entitlement lately which truly breaks my heart. How did I teach him this? What makes him think these things? I took a good look at myself and Nate and decided that we needed more of a drastic outcome. After our rough evening we sat down and had a good talk about what would happen if he continued making poor choices, having tantrums and being too rough with others. I told him that if he could not appreciate the toys that he had and follow the rules that keeps him and everyone safe that ALL of the toys in his room would come out and he wouldn't be able to have them back until he could play nicely and safely. He received it well - or so I thought.

Thirty minutes later we had another incident and I calmly walked into his room and started packing everything up. EVERYTHING. The entire toy box stuffed with toys. The toy shelves in his closet full of cars, action figures and balls. His superhero costumes and capes hanging in his closet. EVERYTHING. Of course he freaked out and started screaming and crying. I was so thankful it was late enough to put his pajamas on and tuck him in to bed and just be done with the day (7:45 isn't too early, right?!). He continued to cry but I followed our usual bedtime routine (except for reading three books) by tucking him in and layering him with his favorite blankets and turning on his snow globe with a kiss and "I love you". Before I left I prayed over him and for me; so that we would both have patience, a kind heart and be open to positivity.

And that was it. I became the Grinch and took away all his toys.

At first I felt a bit guilty but now I don't. He needs this. We both did. 

I thought maybe this was too extreme and not really fair to him. After all, he is only three. But in all honesty, he really only plays with four of those toys on a regular basis. Removing everything was more for dramatic show and I pray it has the effect I hoped for.

The toys in the Toy Room are still in tact and will stay that way unless there is no improvement in our day to day behavior and those need to be gone too.

And I've made the commitment that he won't get his bedroom toys back until Christmas is over. We have two weeks to earn them back with positive behavior.

Secretly, I'm hoping this will turn into a great revelation that we don't need all this "stuff" and it won't truly be missed and therefore won't have to be returned.

It's 8:30; he's asleep and I'm on the couch with a bottle of wine and typing through my thoughts.

Here's to a better day tomorrow and our two week journey to a better US <3