I think I was naive.
Nate sort of breezed through the Terrible Two's and I naively thought we were golden.
And then we hit 2 1/2 and shit got real. I don't know if it was a culmination of the Terrible Two's and the sibling rivalry that was never really an issue until Payton started turning into her little person, but we started facing the tantrums and attitude of the dreaded Terrible Two's head on. Nate and I were both miserable, overwhelmed and lost about what to do about it.
I feel like we've tried everything.
Time Out. This worked for about a week and then held zero consequence for him. When Nate got into trouble he would sit in time out without any fuss and patiently wait for his two or three minutes to be up by repeatedly counting to 20 or picking his toenails. When the timer buzzed, he got up, said his apologies and went back to his day. I felt like there was no real "punishment" in this routine for him.
Losing privileges. This does work with the right incentive. Nate loves watching Mickey Mouse on the couch at 7:30 while I get Payton into bed and during the day will work towards this reward and will feel the consequence of losing this to a tantrum. But this once effective measure lost its importance and we were back where we started -- no dreaded punishment.
A sticker chart. This too worked great for a short period but then built a sense of entitlement and a feeling that prizes and treats were a daily necessity because he earned stickers. In Nate's mind, playing outside, going for a walk, baking cookies and watching cartoons didn't count as prizes/treats. We are still working on this and what his expectations really should be - and this works good for us for daily lessons.
Spanking. I know this is opening a huge can of worms but spanking has been working with Nate. I was spanked as a kid and even though I see the rationale behind not spanking my child when I'm trying to teach him to keep his hands off of others, this punishment has a sounding board with him. When I ask Nate to do something and he doesn't comply or gives me an attitude, he has until I count to three to do what he is told or he gets spanked. No questions asked. No exceptions. He knows the rules and once this routine was established this worked well for us.
But then we turned THREE. No one really tells you that the Torturous Threes are worse than the Terrible Twos until you're complaining about the migraine caused by the Terrible Twos. But trust me, it's worse. At least, it has been for us.
The loss of privileges and "1,2,3, spank" are good tactics for us for small to medium misbehaviors. But there have been too many days (weeks, really) recently when we would forfeit the right to play with five toys, lost Mickey Mouse before bed (before we even ate lunch) and needed too many "1,2,3" before we would listen. AHH!! I was wracking my brain trying to find what would work. I looked to different blogs and websites and people pushed the need for routine (which we do) and consistency (which I strive for). But I didn't feel these were working for us.
So tonight, I became the Grinch. During dinner, Nate had a meltdown and lost Mickey Mouse from his tantrum. We got home and he keep being too rough and not making good choices. He's had this since of entitlement lately which truly breaks my heart. How did I teach him this? What makes him think these things? I took a good look at myself and Nate and decided that we needed more of a drastic outcome. After our rough evening we sat down and had a good talk about what would happen if he continued making poor choices, having tantrums and being too rough with others. I told him that if he could not appreciate the toys that he had and follow the rules that keeps him and everyone safe that ALL of the toys in his room would come out and he wouldn't be able to have them back until he could play nicely and safely. He received it well - or so I thought.
Thirty minutes later we had another incident and I calmly walked into his room and started packing everything up. EVERYTHING. The entire toy box stuffed with toys. The toy shelves in his closet full of cars, action figures and balls. His superhero costumes and capes hanging in his closet. EVERYTHING. Of course he freaked out and started screaming and crying. I was so thankful it was late enough to put his pajamas on and tuck him in to bed and just be done with the day (7:45 isn't too early, right?!). He continued to cry but I followed our usual bedtime routine (except for reading three books) by tucking him in and layering him with his favorite blankets and turning on his snow globe with a kiss and "I love you". Before I left I prayed over him and for me; so that we would both have patience, a kind heart and be open to positivity.
And that was it. I became the Grinch and took away all his toys.
At first I felt a bit guilty but now I don't. He needs this. We both did.
I thought maybe this was too extreme and not really fair to him. After all, he is only three. But in all honesty, he really only plays with four of those toys on a regular basis. Removing everything was more for dramatic show and I pray it has the effect I hoped for.
The toys in the Toy Room are still in tact and will stay that way unless there is no improvement in our day to day behavior and those need to be gone too.
And I've made the commitment that he won't get his bedroom toys back until Christmas is over. We have two weeks to earn them back with positive behavior.
Secretly, I'm hoping this will turn into a great revelation that we don't need all this "stuff" and it won't truly be missed and therefore won't have to be returned.
It's 8:30; he's asleep and I'm on the couch with a bottle of wine and typing through my thoughts.
Here's to a better day tomorrow and our two week journey to a better US <3
