What People Don't Tell You About Having Two Kids

Going from one baby to two is definitely a transition. Everything that worked so well the first time doesn’t this time around and what you were once an “expert” at becomes unfamiliar territory. Especially going from boy to girl, or vice versa – but that’s a whole other conversation.

I knew things were going to get crazy for a little while but what I didn’t expect was losing Mom friends; Friends that had become important to me and my sanity of being a mother. I’m not sure why, but as women we can be judgy, hypocritical and insensitive. I’m not quite sure why we want to be friends with people like that but nonetheless you still feel the sting when they decide your friendship doesn’t count anymore.

The feeling of rejection is compounded because these were the friends who you turned to about Baby #1 and worked through infancy, baby milestones and toddlerhood with. The friends you thought would be the most supportive and helpful when it came to Baby #2.

 I didn’t think it would be an issue to nurse my infant while my toddler was playing in playgroup, relying on their help if it was needed. Or quickly leaving to change the baby’s diaper while the big kids were enjoying a snack together. And don’t get me started on the tandem meltdowns when the baby wants to nurse and be rocked but the toddler wants you to hold them or go play tag at the same time.

This is when the stares and murmurs start. Clearly these mothers are experts on having one kid (although, is there really such thing as being an expert mother) and their expertise carries over to their imaginary multiple children, too.

So, they judge how you react to the meltdowns, or joke (or not) about needing wine at night, or pawn your toddler off for a few minutes in their trusted hands to work your magic on the baby.

You would think this would all be ok and perfectly acceptable; leaning on one another when it’s needed and then returning the favor when it’s their turn because you know exactly how it feels.

But that’s not what happens. You were the first of your friends to have two children and they don’t understand what all comes with Baby #2. Bless their little naive hearts.

Some of you are reading this and have no idea what I’m talking about because your friends are great – they don’t judge you and are totally supportive of your role as a mother. I have those kinds of friends too and love them more than I knew because of how they’ve pulled through for me and continue to be a pillar in my life.

 

And then some of you know exactly how it feels to be separated from friends and knowing in your gut it’s because of your expanded family – not the busy schedules or hectic holidays. To you, I say screw ‘em. It’s good to learn now which girlfriends can hang with you for the long haul and which ones can’t handle the mud. Plant your garden where the sun shines 

"The Stockings Were Hung by the Chimney With Care"

I have been on the hunt for Christmas stockings for all of us that I LOVE for what seems like FOREVER! I'm talking year after year after year. More specifically, since 2006 when Joe and I got married. I wanted stockings that were festive, personalized, unique and would grow with the kids throughout the years.

After looking in stores, browsing the web and scouring Pinterest I gave up and solicited my Momma to help make our own. I got so many compliments on them I thought I would share the process with you so you could make your own, too :)

First, I found a few sample ideas on Pinterest and used those to help figure out what kind of layout I needed and the amount/type of supplies I need (fabric, ribbon, bells).

I went to local fabric stores and looked online for fabric pieces that I liked. I wanted each of us to have our own stockings but wanted them to match as a whole even though each one was different. The hardest fabric to find was the Yankees logo; I had to use a pair of Joe's pajama pants for that strip because fleece was the only fabric online and that's not really conducive to the project we were working on.

After buying the different pieces I decided that I wanted each stocking to have the same layout. I treated each one like a puzzle and even though the pieces looked different the shape and size were all the same. I think this helps make the stockings look like a whole set instead of too individualized.

I played with the different fabrics and ribbons until I found a layout for each stocking that I liked. The final step was taking a picture and passing this project along to my Mom.

My mom designed a stocking pattern to use as the base so it was easier to sew on the different puzzle pieces. I wanted the stockings to be a bit larger and more wide than typical stockings so we could fit enough goodies in there on Christmas morning. First, she sewed the fabric pieces on and then added the ribbon segments, making sure the seams were tight and followed the shape of the stocking. Mom added the top cuff last and embroidered our names on them. 

Here's the final product! We love them and they are perfect to grow with our family each year. 

Pregnancy #2

I always knew I wanted more than one baby and hoped that was in God’s plan, too. We started trying for our second child what some would consider early – and I was nervous. Nervous it would take a long time again. Nervous I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant again at all. But we were blessed and after seven months of charting and trying we became pregnant with Baby #2!!

This pregnancy was different from my first in many ways. I didn’t crave any foods. I didn’t eat like a herd of elephants. I focused on eating healthy and doing my best to make my body feel good.

Because it usually didn’t. I was the epitomy of pregnancy discomfort. I couldn’t sleep at night because my hips felt so much pressure it hurt to lay down. I would pace the house hoping to get so exhausted I would just collapse into sleep. No such luck. I was lucky to get two hours at a time before I had to reposition of get up and move. During the day I felt great – I napped with Nate napped and slept in some mornings when my husband was home. This was great for me but really great for Joe and Nate because they were able to spend quality time together.

This pregnancy started off not being a “high risk pregnancy” so we didn’t get as many ultrasounds as we did with Nate. Which meant we had to wait sixteen weeks to find out if we were having a boy or girl. With Nate, we found out early and in the ultrasound room – Joe was too excited to wait and I couldn’t deny him the knowledge. But with Baby #2 we had the ultrasound tech write down the sex of the baby and put it in an envelope. This envelope was trusted to one person who was in charge of filling our balloon box with either pink or blue balloons.

We hosted a gender reveal party and had our family over to discover with us and celebrate. Joe and I were both thinking boy and were so happy to find out we were having a GIRL! #teampink

Shopping and nursery prep for a little girl can be so fun! Picking out a name, not so much! My top pick was Parker Margaret (Margaret after my mom) and Joe’s was Payton. Payton Leigh is what we ended up with – and we didn’t decide until we were being discharged from the hospital after delivery. I may have been bitter and continued to call P Parker for the first months of her life <3

Starting at week 30 I had the stress tests again each week. Throughout my pregnancy my doctor was worried about my lack of weight gain, but the baby always measured perfect. In the beginning I lost weight because I didn’t want to eat anything and I didn’t overeat at all (very different from my nightly box of brownies with Nate). So when I did gain from week to week some of that was catch up from my first trimester weight loss.

At week 35 Baby was diagnosed with Intrauterine Growth Restriction. She wasn’t growing very much and my doctor put me on a strict diet; I needed to eat more fatty foods myself in the hopes that the baby would gain the weight.

I knew I would end up being induced again and I was emotional about it. I wanted more time with Nate as my only child. I wanted to finish the curtains and stencil wall in the nursery (neither have yet to be finished). I wanted to make freezer meals for my recovery week.

I remember at 37 weeks I was at a weekly appointment getting an ultrasound with my doctor. She asked the usual, “How are you feeling?” and I unloaded all my nervousness on her. I felt stressed! I wanted more time before having the baby. Through tears I was telling her about my anxieties.

This is when she told me my fluid level was low and I was to be induced ASAP. The following morning. My tears turned to ugly crying. Joe was on a 24 hour shift and wouldn’t be home until after I was admitted. I wanted more time to have a special weekend with Nate. I hadn’t packed my bags. The house needed to be cleaned. Laundry needed to be washed, folded and put away.

But babies don’t wait. 

My First Night as a Nursing Mother

When Nate was born we had a flooding of family members who came to meet him. Parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins… Everyone came and it was great. I felt great. After a long labor I had a great delivery and had a surge of adrenaline to get me through visiting hours. While I had all this energy, Nate was obviously exhausted from his journey because he slept the span of visiitn hours. From 5:00pm – 11:00pm. I was almost naïve enough to think that I would actually get to sleep too once everyone left. But as soon as my head touched the pillow he woke up screaming.

Isn’t that the way it usually happens? I had tried nursing him earlier but he wasn’t too interested in latching on. I had requested a visit from the lactation specialist but was told she wouldn’t be in until the next day. Now that he was awake I tried nursing again. He was not having it. My rule was absolutely no pacifiers or bottles because I didn’t want him to experience nipple confusion. I gave that rule up pretty quickly and used a pacifier. That calmed him a bit and taught him the art of sucking. I would replace the pacifier with my body and Nate would scream. My night nurse suggested he was hungry and since my milk hadn’t come in yet I should supplement with formula.

In my research before delivery I knew that I would only have colustrum (the golden milk), which is all he would need until my milk came in a few days later. But now that I was in the moment and felt hopeless against his cries I gave in. But not too much. The nurse was able to drop formula in Nate’s mouth with a dropper while I encouraged him to latch on to my breast. This worked for a little while and we did this off and on throughout the night.

In the morning I met with the LC. She told me I had “inverted nipples” which is why it was difficult for Nate to latch. Great! She suggested I get a nipple shield to stimulate a more full nipple and make Nate’s job easier on him. So that is what we did and hit made nursing SO much better for both of us. He latched on right away and I never became “raw” and blistered. A win, win. I’ve spoken with mother who felt that using a nipple shield took away from their nursing experience. I don’t feel this way. To me, using this tool made it easier for both of us, thus allowing us both to enjoy this journey even more.

I do remember that the most difficult day as a nursing mother was when Nate was four days old. At this age, even though he was latching great, my milk hadn’t come in yet and he wanted milk. He cried and cried – attempted to eat and grew frustrated that what he was looking for wasn’t there. I cried and cried with him. I called my cousin who was my nursing guide (every new mom should have one of these) and she told me to lay with Nate skin to skin and feed him as often as possible. But wasn’t that the problem? He wanted to eat and I didn’t have what he wanted. But it all comes down to supply and demand. If my body does feel Nate demanding milk, my body wont supply it. If I chose to supplement with formula then my body wouldn’t feel his demand and my milk wouldn’t come in.

Day Four was long and hard for everyone in the household. But we made it day five and everything was a breeze after that – as long as I had my nipple shield J

Want to nurse? You can DO it! I am an advocate for “breast is best” but am also for empowering women and momma’s – find what works best for you and your baby. My advice? Do NOT give up . It can be tough – especially the first week and when you navigate growth spurts. But stick with it!!

Find a friend, someone you feel comfortable with, who was a nursing mother and can be your cheerleader on tough days.

Nate's Birth Story

After 41 weeks of being pregnant I was induced. At first this was not what I wanted. During my pregnancy I became obsessed with TLC’s A Baby Story and 90% of mothers who were induced ended up having a c-section. This was not my plan. I do not like needles. I am afraid of surgery. I am afraid of the recovery of a c-section. But by week 41 I was cooked. Induction didn’t seem that bad to me.

Monday morning we had to be at the hospital at 6:00am. Joe and I packed our bags the night before, set our alarm and woke up early to go to breakfast just the two of us one last time. By the time everything was all hooked up and paperwork was filled out, the induction started at 8:00am. Cervadil was in.

It was a pretty quiet afternoon with mild contractions. My Mom brought lunch and we were bunkered down watching movies. 

2:00 my aunt visited me and this is when I started becoming uncomfortable. Back labor is awful and I would not wish it on anyone. It felt like a chisel was separating my hips every seven to ten minutes. I remember wanting a labor ball to stretch out but the nurses were all busy and my husband didn’t want to bother them. Thank the good Lord Auntie Jan came to visit because she got me the labor ball and it did help a lot. It was the only thing I could sit on (who designed hospital beds anyway?) that didn't feel like physical torture.

As the day drew on, the back pain got worse. I walked the halls in the vain hope of speeding labor along. The bed was so uncomfortable and it hurt my tailbone too much to sit so I walked and walked and walked. The nurses were in an “on shift” training program so I didn’t get the pain medication or sleeping pill my OB promised me. In fact, throughout the entire night not one single nurse came into my room. The only eventful thing that happened was Joe received third degree burns on his hand while trying to heat up my Panera soup for dinner.

6:00am – I was exhausted. At this point I had been awake for 26 hours with only limited sleep the night before (because who can sleep the day before they know theyre having a baby?!). The hospital bed was so uncomfortable I decided to try Joe’s guest cot. It felt like a cloud of pillows! Two minutes after I laid down I felt this large blob secrete itself. My water broke! Bloody water. So bloody that the morning nurses weren’t sure if it was really my water or something else. Upon checking me and learning that it was my water that broke, the nurse told me that the baby was positioned posterior, which was the reason for my bad back labor.

7:00am – My doctor came to check on me. She took one look at me and knew that something was wrong. She didn’t even have a chance to ask me about it before I broke down in tears. I couldn’t believe myself. I had been looking forward to THIS day for YEARS and I was still so upset about the lack of service and help from my nurses. I felt ungrateful for my journey and disappointed in the day and myself. The back labor was still awful and I wanted relief. More than relief I wanted sleep. I asked for the epidural and had to get checked first. I was excited. I thought for sure I would have been five centimeters or so. I mean, it had been 24 hours. 24 hours of contractions and back labor.
 

Two. I was dilated two centimeters. So I walked some more. And soaked in a warm bath while waiting for my fluids and epidural.

10:00am – Pitocin started and the epidural was in. I had the best nap EVER! It was amazing! We had visitors throughout the day and even though I was antsy I felt better.

1:00pm – Six centimeters. This is where the “c” word started popping up. The nurses approached me about a c-section because it had been so long since we had started. But I held firm. And grew agitated that they kept pressuring me to go this route. I had faith in the process and in my doctor because she knew my wishes and was following them.

2:00pm – Epidural was removed because the baby’s pressure kept dropping and the nurses felt this was a result of the epidural. Once again they brought up the option of having a c-section.

Pitocin was turned all the way up to “speed things up”

3:00 – Tornado warning was issued and we were told to prepare for evacuation to the center room if needed. Totally normal,right?!?

3:30 – We were told I was finally at nine centimeters. Finally!! I was excited but the nurses were not. Nate’s rates kept decelerating and they again suggested a “c-section would be easiest for everyone”.

While my doctor was visiting earlier in the day she had prescribed a transfusion. I remember the nurses doubting this and thinking it was unnecessary. But at this time it became evident why she had ordered one; to help me reach my goal of a vaginal delivery. Even though it was a long induction, my water had technically only been broken for nine hours but she wanted to make sure the umbilical was as moist as possible to endure the long labor.

Once the nurse told me I was nine centimeters I kicked everyone out of the room. Poor Joe tried leaving too but I brought him back in. From 3:30 until delivery I had the longest contraction EVER! Other Momma’s are probably laughing at me or can totally relate because they remember it too . While I was enduring this pain (the back labor was still here, too), Joe was sitting in the rocking chair watching “Everybody Love Raymond”. I was too distracted at the time to really care but I think he was so nervous and exhausted himself he just needed this time to regroup before the “real action” started.

4:00pm – My doctor arrived and we started prepping for delivery. Part of what I was feeling during the “longest contraction ever” was the baby moving down. He was definitely descending and I could feel him moving down my body and birth canal. So surreal!

Well thank goodness he did all that moving on his own (finally) because I only had to push about five times. I remember being so focused on the task at hand. I turned into a different person. I think THIS is where I turned into a mother. I asked for a mirror so that I could better see what different push techniques moved him down best. Me, a mirror?!

At 4:19pm on October 18^th Nate Joseph was born. I was able to deliver him myself. This was a first for my OB and I had to show her the video of Kourtney Kardashian delivering her own baby but she allowed me to do it and it was the best experience. Joe has already had the privilege of delivering babies so I was blessed to do this myself. It is one of my proudest moments and still brings tears to my eyes thinking about it.

Joe was able to cut the cord and helped give Nate his first bath and get him dressed in his baseball sleeper. He was the prettiest baby I had ever seen! Once I was all cleaned up our parents came in and soon after our extended family flooded the room to meet and snuggle with our little man.

And of course, I had to have a Publix sub for dinner. After not being able to have one during my entire pregnancy (which I craved every day), this was a MUST for my post-delivery meal.