What People Don't Tell You About Having Two Kids

Going from one baby to two is definitely a transition. Everything that worked so well the first time doesn’t this time around and what you were once an “expert” at becomes unfamiliar territory. Especially going from boy to girl, or vice versa – but that’s a whole other conversation.

I knew things were going to get crazy for a little while but what I didn’t expect was losing Mom friends; Friends that had become important to me and my sanity of being a mother. I’m not sure why, but as women we can be judgy, hypocritical and insensitive. I’m not quite sure why we want to be friends with people like that but nonetheless you still feel the sting when they decide your friendship doesn’t count anymore.

The feeling of rejection is compounded because these were the friends who you turned to about Baby #1 and worked through infancy, baby milestones and toddlerhood with. The friends you thought would be the most supportive and helpful when it came to Baby #2.

 I didn’t think it would be an issue to nurse my infant while my toddler was playing in playgroup, relying on their help if it was needed. Or quickly leaving to change the baby’s diaper while the big kids were enjoying a snack together. And don’t get me started on the tandem meltdowns when the baby wants to nurse and be rocked but the toddler wants you to hold them or go play tag at the same time.

This is when the stares and murmurs start. Clearly these mothers are experts on having one kid (although, is there really such thing as being an expert mother) and their expertise carries over to their imaginary multiple children, too.

So, they judge how you react to the meltdowns, or joke (or not) about needing wine at night, or pawn your toddler off for a few minutes in their trusted hands to work your magic on the baby.

You would think this would all be ok and perfectly acceptable; leaning on one another when it’s needed and then returning the favor when it’s their turn because you know exactly how it feels.

But that’s not what happens. You were the first of your friends to have two children and they don’t understand what all comes with Baby #2. Bless their little naive hearts.

Some of you are reading this and have no idea what I’m talking about because your friends are great – they don’t judge you and are totally supportive of your role as a mother. I have those kinds of friends too and love them more than I knew because of how they’ve pulled through for me and continue to be a pillar in my life.

 

And then some of you know exactly how it feels to be separated from friends and knowing in your gut it’s because of your expanded family – not the busy schedules or hectic holidays. To you, I say screw ‘em. It’s good to learn now which girlfriends can hang with you for the long haul and which ones can’t handle the mud. Plant your garden where the sun shines