To Share or Not to Share?

The lesson of sharing has been around for what seems like FOREVER and it appeared to be high on the list of things I would obviously have to teach my children when the time came.

But then I had children and realized that the premise of sharing isn't so black and white.

Here I am, mother to a three year old (who I have dubbed "Threenager") and my expectation is that he learn to willingly share all of his toys when his friends, neighbors or cousins come over. I expect the same from other children when we visit their house; that Nate will be able to share their toys and us Moms will have to serve as referee to the favorites of the bunch.

But is this really indicative to the adult world? I know, this sounds crazy, but follow me for a minute .... When MY friends come over, they don't just get to use my favorite mascara because it's what they want to play with. I don't rush to finish the latest Jodi Picoult novel in "five minutes" so they can read it next. I don't always want to willingly give up the last Girl Scout cookie because it's the nice thing to do. There are countless "adult" examples that I could give, but you get the picture.

I found myself getting frustrated that Nate was having such a hard time sharing and that he was so territorial over some of his toys. But then I realized that my expectations (and really what I thought was the normal expectation) didn't align with the mind of a three year old (or of many people for that matter).

When playing with the neighborhood kids and Nate is using his favorite sword to fight crime, I think it's his right to play with "that" sword. After all, it's his and the boy down the street has his own sword to play with. I guess this falls along the Montessori method of thinking; when a child "claims" a toy or play station, it essentially belongs to them until they are done exploring it. When I'm at the nail salon {which is rare} and am digging the latest issue of People magazine, the woman who walks in after me can't insist that  it's "her turn" and I must trade her for the ten month old edition of Good Housekeeping.

I'm not saying I don't expect my kids to share, or not to have a heart kind enough to WANT to make others happy. But that has become my motivation to teaching the foundation of sharing; making others happy by treating them with respect and kindness and making choices that will have a positive result.

When I'm done reading about the on-set dramas, celebrity babies and latest fashion faux pas, I can offer the magazine to anyone else who would like to read it because it is the polite thing to do.

When Nate decides he'd rather be Michelangelo with nunchucks instead of wielding a sword, he can offer it to the group instead of hoarding it under his bed {which has happened before}.

And when there's only one Thin Mint cookie left in the Girl Scout box he can either offer it up or move on to a different snack that everyone can share.

I know I'll get some crazy looks from the moms at the playground who think the swings should be on a "two minute rotation" so everyone can get a turn - but that's ok. Nate can swing until he is done because he was there first. They'll look at us crazy anyway because he'll be running around with a superhero cape, crazy boots on his feet and a sword in hand.